My Life is About to Change

My days have been heavy emotionally.  My life is overwhelmed with duties that I cannot keep up with.  The home schooling is suffering, and it has spurred me to make a decision.  I already put the oldest in school this past January.  It has been a good experience.  Some of his grades were barely passing, so my fingers are crossed that he can maintain well enough to stay there at the boarding school and not have to come home to special education in the public school.

And now I'm going to put the other two in the local Christian School that is affiliated with our church.  In some way, I'm feeling like a failure to make this decision.  I'm feeling lost, as my identity has been a home school mom for 10 years.  But our life cannot keep spiraling out of control like it is and we need the discipline of an imposed schedule.  I should be able to have my own schedule.  I should be able to keep them on task.  I should...

But I can't keep beating myself over the head about what "should" be, and I have to face reality.  I run a full time dog kennel and breeding business.  I am in charge of all the marketing, photos, shots, worming schedules, email communication, FB page updates, website updates, etc...and we still need this income to live.  I can't let up on this responsibility, not to mention the daily tasks of being a wife and mother, plus living FAR in the country with wood heat, huge garden, etc.  I just can't keep feeling like I'm failing my kids in the homeschooling realm, so I have decided to enroll them in school.

I am a credentialed teacher.  I get excited about the opportunities they'll have in the tiny, one room school.  I want to help in there.  I think I can make the school a better place.  I think I can invest in the school and be an asset, even if I'm just a volunteer mom that listens to kids read, or helps kids with their multiplication tables.  I am a great teacher, but not so much when my time is divided with so many responsibilities.

I feel settled in my decision, but I can't help feel like I don't belong in some of the home school groups that I frequent online anymore.  That makes me sad.  I hope the online friends I've made will still like me even if I don't home school, and fit into that mold.  It will be a different life, there will be pros and cons.  But I can't keep doing what I'm doing.  I'm not doing anything well, and just barely keeping my head above water in all areas.  This is not the model I want for my children.  This is not the chaos I want them living in.

Boarding School

Darien is HOME now, but this was his home away from home since January.  It was a little more cozy looking when all his stuff was in it.  Here he is, after we've cleaned his room, right before he checked out of the dorm for the summer.

UCA was a great experience for him and he's happy to go back next year.  He won't be in this same room, but one very similar.  His only request....a comfy, big chair to study in.  I think we can accommodate that!!

Goofing off in the lobby!!

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Just For Fun!

 I'm just having so much fun with my phone!!! It's like a permanent piece of my wardrobe now, and I use it for everything!  I have a huge list of favorite apps, and it keeps me on track because I've set alarms for myself.  I feel like I"m in school again with the bell ringing each hour! I love that I can blog straight from my phone to blogger.  It sure makes it a quick and effortless procedure now!  
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Attitude

Today has not ended well. It really didn't start that well either between me and Kaelyn. I had to pick up Darien from UCA today, since school is over for the summer, and the kids wanted to come. I didn't really want either of them to come since it would just be a lot of driving, and reasoned with Kaelyn to have her stay home. Somehow though, Kendrick ended up coming with me, and Kaelyn and Daryl were left to fend for themselves for the day.

I gave 2 instructions to Kaelyn before I left. Do Math. Wash the dishes.

When I came home, neither were done, but she had taken a nice long horse ride with Daryl.

I'm frustrated. My house does not flow well, things are not done regularly, and even though I give instructions, they are rarely accomplished unless I stand there like a referee with a striped shirt on, overseeing their every move. They are 14 & 11. I don't feel I should have to watch them so closely. But I'm afraid I'm paying for my inconsistency through the years.

Since Darien is home now, I have divided the daily tasks between the 3 of them and written it on the red chalkboard at the bottom of the stairs.




I called all three kids to discuss it with them and Kaelyn just starting giving me some serious attitude, asking me questions, stating the obvious, twisting things around as to make my words seem irrelevant. It makes me angry when she challenges me, and especially since she can sure turn on the sweet when she wants something with her horse, but boy can she be the opposite at times.

I don't like that we face off like this. I'm sure it can't really be healthy for our relationship.

My list is so BASIC.  I should not get grief from children that are privileged to own computers and iPods, when I expect them to do the bottom line basics.  I had already decided I would ban the electronics for most of the summer, and just give earned times with it in the evenings.  I'm going to have to climb out of this pit of disorganization one day at a time with these children.  I only have myself to blame.  It's not too late though.  It's never too late.

Flood in Chewelah

The snow is MELTING like crazy!!  The quiet little park in Chewelah was out of control, and it's hard to believe children splash in this little, tiny, creek during the summertime!  It was flowing fast and dangerously expanding all of it's borders.







 The water was lapping against the cement, dangerously close to going right over the entire road.





















This next picture was taken a few days later.  The water DID go over the road, and all the way onto the highway.  As of today, Memorial Day, this little bridge and road is still closed, though the water is now going under the road instead of over the top of it.








  
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Food

I don't consider myself at a cook.  At least, I didn't...but I've been spending some time in the kitchen and things have been going pretty well!  I've been having some fun trying new recipes and resurrecting old ones that I've used before and my family has liked.  Here are just a few images of what I've been doing lately in my kitchen.

 Pita Bread



 Took this for potluck at church and everybody raved about it.  Inside was hummus, sprouted lentils, pea shoots, and olives.  It WAS really good!




 Haystack with a lot of extras!




 Sprout Salad




 Egg Noodles with Pesto Sauce





 Focaccia Bread





 The Meal...Pesto noodles, sprout salad, and Focaccia bread!





 Carrot soup, which nobody liked, and Calzones with spinach and tofu! 

I am rather amazed because being in the kitchen is NOT my favorite place to be, by any stretch of the imagination.  When I was a kid, I'd rather do almost anything than help in the kitchen.  But my family likes to EAT, and with 5 of us, that means a lot of food goes through this household.  Because I know better than to buy everything in a package, I've been making a great effort to cook more for them, and it has honestly been a nicely rewarding experience.  I'm blessed to not have any picky eaters either, so I'm sure that helps a lot with all my experiments!

 

 

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Too Cute

I usually don't clutter my personal blog with our dog business, but this puppy was just TOO CUTE to pass up!  He's a blenheim male Cavachon, already SOLD to Faith in New Mexico.  The babies are just soo precious and soo cute!!




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